My childhood abuse is why I don’t want kids now

Guest Blog by Kristina Marinelli. 

I’m child-free-not-childless, it’s a decision I made in my pre-teens; I quit expressing my desire to be child-free after many negative comments by multiple people or the “Child-Free Bingo.” I’m now in my thirties and my stance on not being a mom is stronger than ever.

27-yrs.-old was the last time I was “Bingo-ed” by a mom, who stated “You remind me of myself at that age. You will change your mind once you find the right man…” This person has three kids with her ex-husband, who left her for a younger woman in another country, not a prime example of the joys of motherhood. I’ve been told by a “Child-less” if you don’t reproduce “You will be a nothing.” I’m fine with being that. I had these statements echoed to me by someone child-free, and that’s when I decided to express myself via writing.

I’ve been discriminated against for not having kids of my own at work by a pre-school teacher co-worker, who claimed “You don’t panic like the other teachers do because you don’t have any of your own.” I never mentioned to anyone at the school that I don’t have kids. Who will be the calm one to call 9-1-1?

I can tolerate children meaning I’m not a child hater by no means. Teaching has been one of my passions, and oddly have the patience for it.

My personal reasons for not reproducing are endless, and growing up in an abusive home where I was unwanted made my outlook on bringing life into this world grim. My father passed away when I was 5- years old, and within a year after my mom remarried her second husband; and we moved into a house that was filled with sexual abuse and verbal abuse.

After my step-brother was arrested for sexually abusing when I was 11-years-old, my relationship with my mom soured; “If I knew I’d have a kid like you, I would have never had a kid.” I was blamed for the molestation, I endured when I was 7-years-old to 11-years-old. I was neglected, alone, and afraid. My mom pressured me to lie to the police in order to get my step-brother out of jail, without regard to what had happened to me. Oddly enough, my mom wanted grandkids, and I’d mention the fact that will not be in her future, again I’d bring up the sexual abuse from my past and she’d blame me again.

My mom died when I was 20-years-old, making me a young adult orphan. Afterward, I was diagnosed with clinical depression and started having severe panic attacks. I discovered I could barely take care of myself mentally, so how could I take care of anyone else, I realized.  My mom’s younger sister insisted I give money to her parents (my grandparents.) who were illegally receiving social security at the time. I declined and was called “Immature.” My ex-Godmother stole my mom’s funeral donations and requested that I give her more money. Both women declared I was a “bad person.” For not giving my grandparents more money, while I didn’t have income and a college student. My aunt told me “You should reproduce because you don’t have a family anymore.” I realized I didn’t want to bring a child into this obscene family.

Growing up abandoned and underprivileged has taught me to live frugally and within my means. I’m financially sound and want to keep it that way, and not having children is my way of life. I’m in my thirties and I will not be changing my mind. Fortunately, I have a fiancé that feels the same way I do about, not wanting kids. If this relationship does not work out—step-mom will not be on my resume.

Kristina Marinelli

If you would like to connect directly with Kristina, you can find her on Instagram @ kristina.marinelli