‘Don’t worry you’ll change your mind when you meet Mr. Right’. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard this pearl of wisdom throughout the years.
I’ve known for quite some time that I don’t want to have children. It’s a decision I’ve made that works for me and I stand by it. But it can often be hard for other people to understand.
Being a woman people automatically think that you are seeking that perfect partner to procreate with and all your dreams will have come true. Well, that’s not so for me. But convincing others is a difficult task.
I have often been in conversations with people about children and my decision not to have them has come up. The majority of these conversations have panned out in a similar way; that I will change my mind about having children when I meet someone.
It can be hard for other people to accept that you truly have made the decision not to have children and aren’t just waiting to find the right partner. Everyone has the right to their own decisions when it comes to having children, but it can be hurtful when others question your choice or simply don’t believe your conviction.
The choice to not have children can be quite personal and it’s often not something people wish to disclose in a conversation with work colleagues or people they don’t know too well.
For me, my decision not to have children has more layers than simply not being in a relationship. As a child, I was diagnosed with cancer and had one of my kidneys removed. This accompanied by a family history of high blood pressure made me think about what I wanted more – my life or a child.
Then there were environmental and over-population issues for me to consider. All of these things weighed on my mind as to whether I should bring a child into this world. For me, the answer was no.
Questioning a person’s decision to not have children shouldn’t be trivialised down to whether they are in a relationship or not. It can often be a difficult decision to come to for a myriad of reasons, that people shouldn’t have to justify to others.
Telling someone that they will change their mind about their choice not to have children isn’t helpful. They have made a decision that deserves to be respected. I know that I will stick to my convictions whether I am in a relationship or not.
Besides, my Mr. Right doesn’t want children either.