We are lucky enough to live in a world where we have choice. We are the first generation to have a real choice when it comes to our reproductive choices. Yes we can decide that we do not want to have children.
Consider your grandmother. She probably didn’t have a choice to have children. Most of our mothers would fall into that same category. My mum was married at 21 with one child already. She was a homemaker (an excellent homemaker at that) but I wonder if she ever really considered or felt like she had a choice to have kids. I remember when I was in school it was rare for a woman to work let alone to have independent thoughts. Or god forbid, say that she didn’t want to have children!!
As a generation that has a real choice about what we do with our bodies, it seems that it is harder for previous generations to actually accept that we have a choice.
Often it seems driven by this want to be a grandparent. To be able to take the good part of being around kids without responsibility. Mmmm sounds a lot like being an Aunty.
But here’s the thing I want you to remember. If you are a Mum and your daughter (or son, as not all guys want kids either) decides they don’t want kids here’s the big announcement. Are you ready for it? It has nothing to do with you!!! Ouch, that’s right, I said it. They are not doing it to hurt you or in spite of you. They are simply making a decision that is right for their life. Just like you did when you decided to HAVE kids. It is no different.
Don’t you want your children to do what is best for them – not live their life for you?
The best way to support them is to do exactly that. Stop asking when they are going to have kids and telling them you want grandkids (this is isn’t about you). Just accept their decision and be grateful that you have healthy and happy children.
I know you probably want to share pictures with your friends as they are talking about their grandkids. It’s a type of connection I guess. But here’s the thing. When they are sharing stories and happy snaps of their grandchildren you can be doing the same about your amazing childfree daughter (or son). All their accomplishments, travel, furkids, lifestyle… and really make your friends jealous.
So please stop pressuring your daughter to have and kids and start accepting her life choices. Believe me, you will both be happier and have a better relationship (without the resentment) by doing so.
And pass this on to your grandchild pressuring friends!!